My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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