did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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