I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
