battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
