girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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