Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
