I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
