; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
4 words: hood of his car
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
last night I used snow as a chaser
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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