If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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