I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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