yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
