I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
