From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
