i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
