There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
