I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
