I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
