Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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