Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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