You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
