getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
