Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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