I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize