I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is Oprah even human
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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