Soap is not a condiment
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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