Duck Duck Cougar?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
