mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
