i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
