also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
