I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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