Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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