I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
