ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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