And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
