So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
