Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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