i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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