I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
