too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
