this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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