My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
