I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
