On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
