A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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