Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
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