sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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