her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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