Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
