Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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