haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
