I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
