i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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