Little spoons don't ask big questions
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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