I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
