Where is the hickey?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
operation harelip BJ is a go
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
