i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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