Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
