There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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