I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
