Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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