you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
