I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
