why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
