I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
