The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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