May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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