i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
