Please don't use social media to get back at me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
