I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Less talking, more tequila
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was a blind-side dick pic.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
