the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
