You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
