She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize