she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
