Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my being single is dangerous.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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