i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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