She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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