tell your sister to shave her snatch
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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