1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize