i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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