dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
