evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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