dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
