Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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