i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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