Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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