you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
did i just pee glitter
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