I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
