first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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