ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
