i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
