Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
