I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
