He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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