i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
