my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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