Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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