im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
