Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
