id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
