He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
