Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize