Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
