$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You ruined the universe
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
