Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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