I'm drive I can fine osifer
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
