We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
