My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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