I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
