if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
