i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
